MindCraft Challenges

One way that we think about and explain our identity is by telling our life story. When the most important events in our lives and the turning points (where the story of a life could have changed completely) are linked to meaning-making (understanding some aspect of one’s self), identity formation moves toward identity achievement.

One way to engage in meaning-making is through counterfactual thinking-imagining other paths that your life could have taken. Choose some aspect of your life right now (where you go to school, your major, the church you attend, your hobbies). Think about how you ended up at this point in your life.  Looking back, list (write about) the broad sequence of things that led to you being where you are. 

Next, write about all the ways things could have turned out differently. Did counterfactual thinking increase the feeling that your life is meaningful?

Read More
The Psychology of Life Stories
https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.5.2.100
Life Stories and Meaning-Making
https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.42.4.714
Counterfactual Thinking and Meaning-Making
https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017905
A Group Process for Reducing Identity Distress
https://doi.org/10.1080/15283488.2014.944696

McGregor and Holmes (1999) found that the stories we tell about conflict events in our relationships can bias our later memory of the event—taking on the story-telling role of a lawyer explaining why the other person was at fault led to more hurt and anger 8 weeks later than did taking on the role of an unbiased reporter. Many people also refused to take the perspective that the other person was innocent and they might be to blame—that is, they refused to do the task when assigned to take on the role of the other person’s lawyer.

On the other hand, satisfied romantic couples tell stories about each other that turn flaws into virtues—over time, those stories become true as people take on the qualities and roles of the stories they hear.

Reshaping our memories isn’t always a bad thing. For example, our memories of embarrassing situations or painful events shift over time so that we no longer feel the negative emotions in the same way.

Telling stories that shape our romantic partners and friends into better versions of themselves is a way to shape the imagined future function of memory systems. Try purposely telling stories about your friends (in their presence) for a week that emphasize their virtues and admirable qualities. Ask them to do the same for you (you can tell them that it is a psychology experiment, which is the truth). Does this type of positive storytelling change your perception of your relationship?

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Emotional memory is malleable
https://doi.org/10.1038/s44159-024-00312-1
The study of storytelling bias from the participation sheet:
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.76.3.403
How satisfied couples tell stories:
https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167294206004
Idealization becomes reality for romantic partners:
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.71.6.1155

Ethan Kross and his colleagues have recommended using distanced talk to shift thinking from negative emotions and a cycle of rumination to positive actions to achieve goals (hope).

Challenge:
Use distanced self-talk five times daily for several days to coach yourself at points of stress, during negative thoughts, or when you feel you made a mistake. Note whether your control over your emotions, thoughts, and ability to take positive actions improves.

Read More:
How to change your self-talk:
https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721419861411